


Scars to Your Beautiful (We're Stars, and We're Beautiful)

by blue_is_samazing



Series: Sanders Sides College AU Because I Am Not Original [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Scars, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting, all past-tense, also i love these boys so yknow, my friend has been begging me for a month to write prinxiety sooooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 04:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17542373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_is_samazing/pseuds/blue_is_samazing
Summary: A study session turned sad.aka Virgil comforts Roman, and Roman worries.





	Scars to Your Beautiful (We're Stars, and We're Beautiful)

**Author's Note:**

> THERE IS SOME PRETTY HEAVY STUFF IN HERE OK. 
> 
> I'll put the Bad Stuff (self-harm and suicide) in bold, but PLEASE don't read this if you're sensitive to it. I struggle with this stuff, so I know it can be triggering. Be safe, okay?

“ _Ugh,_  that's it, I quit.” Virgil shut his math textbook and shoved it aside, letting it fall off his bed and onto his carpet with a small thud.

 Roman, beside him, let out an identical groan and fell back onto the pillows, casting a tan arm over his eyes. “Finally! God, I hate math.”

 Virgil raised an eyebrow, and it disappeared under his dark purple bangs. “Right. How many questions did you get done?”

 They had been told to do fifty. Virgil had gotten halfway through, and Roman…

 “Sixteen,” he answered, standing up to shove his and Virgil's textbooks into their respective bags.

 Virgil rolled his eyes. “Roman, you gotta do more than that.”

 Roman whined as he tossed himself back onto the bed, landing face-down in the pillows that muffled his reply. “I _will,_  I just gotta take a break! Though, if you were to bribe me with pizza, I might get some more done… “ He turned his head a bit, enough that one eye looked up at Virgil, who rolled his eyes again and let out a dramatic sigh.

 “ _Fiiiiiine_.” Virgil leaned over Roman to get his laptop from the nightstand and log into the website for the pizza place down the street from their dorm.

 Roman grinned, victorious, and wiggled over so he could wrap his arms around Virgil's waist.

 " _Gracias, mi amor. Te amo._ ”

 Virgil smirked and leaned down to kiss Roman's hair.

 “Yeah, yeah. Love you too, babe. Marble cookie?”

 “Duh!”

 “Fair.” Virgil placed their order and set his laptop aside to pull Roman closer. “I hope you like thin crust and cheese.”

 Roman pushed himself up to kiss his boyfriend's cheek. “Sounds perfect, my love.”

 Virgil chuckled. “Alright Princey, what's up?”

 Roman pulled back and looked at Virgil, confused. “What do you mean?”

 “I _mean_ ,” Virgil began, giving his boyfriend A Look, “You're not usually this lovey-dovey unless something's up. So, what's up?”

  **Roman sighed and took Virgil's left hand in his, swapping the fake confusion for genuine solemnity. He rolled up Virgil's hoodie sleeve, exposing his arm- and many scars of varying colors and stages of healing. He sighed again in relief at the lack of new ones, and his thumb lightly brushed the long, jagged one running all the way up the length of Virgil's forearm.**

  **It was still an angry red; months of healing had gotten rid of the scabbing, but the color likely wouldn't fade to white for a few more years.**

 “Ro,” Virgil said, but Roman heard what he was really trying to say. _I'm okay now._   _It's over._   _I'm still here._

 Roman let the sleeve fall and leaned forward to rest his head on Virgil's shoulder. Virgil cupped his left hand behind Roman's neck and ran his right through Roman's hair. Roman's response was quiet, uncharacteristic of the usually boisterous man.

 “I had another nightmare. I didn’t save you in time, and you- you were already gone by the time I got there.”

Virgil’s heart stung at the barely-hidden pain in his boyfriend’s voice, and he pulled Roman to sit in his lap. Roman breathed in Virgil’s scent; lavender shampoo and laundry detergent and coffee mixed together in a way that always calmed him. Grounded him. _He’s alive. He’s okay. No blood, not bathtub, no note. He’s here._

 “Roman, hey, I’m okay, alright? I’m right here.”

 Roman let out a small laugh. “I know, Vee, but…” He trailed off, not knowing how to finish.

 “It still felt real,” Came Virgil’s voice. It wasn’t a question. Roman nodded, and Virgil sighed and pulled him closer, tighter. “I’m sorry, babe. I know you don’t want me to be, but I am.”

 Roman shook his head and whined, kissing the spot where Virgil’s shoulder and neck connected. Under different circumstances, that would have made Virgil feel some _vastly_ different feelings. Now, however, it was merely a sign of innocent affection. Against Virgil’s skin, still soft and quiet, Roman mumbled.

 “Whenever you’re gone, or in class, or even in another room, I worry… I worry that I won’t see you again. That I’ll get that call, that you’ll be gone.”

 And god, if that didn’t make Virgil feel like the worst person on Earth. Pushing down the thoughts that screamed _selfish, mistake, horrible, parasite,_ Virgil turned his head to kiss the top of Roman’s ear.

 “I know this won’t change anything, but I promise, Ro. I won’t ever, _ever_ do that to you again. I’ve got too much to lose now.” His heart warmed a bit as Roman’s arms tightened around his neck, and he felt a small smile on Roman’s lips against his pale skin. “I’ve got you. Pat and Lo. Emile. Dee and Rems and Toby. I’ve got classes I like, for the most part. I can’t leave all this behind.”

 Roman pulled away a bit, enough to look at Virgil with tears in his chestnut eyes and a smile on his face. “You better not! I’d be a wreck without you, Surly Temple! A wreck!” Despite his playful tone, Virgil knew the truth behind his words.

 When he and Roman had first met in high-school, nearly two years ago, he was much louder, and more obnoxious. He insulted Virgil every chance he got, and never did anything in his classes besides theater, where he acted his heart out.

What Virgil didn’t know was that Roman was attempting to cover his own insecurities. Every insult to Virgil was a way of deflecting an internal insult to himself. In theater, he could be anything but himself, and with years of faking smiles under his belt, Roman was a natural.

 When Virgil found him in a bathroom one day during senior year, crying next to a vomit-filled toilet, Roman immediately apologized while Virgil calmed him down and dried his tears. It took months of apologies and therapy and improvement, but eventually, he and Virgil grew to be friends. It wasn’t until the summer after graduation that they got together.

 They applied to all the same colleges, and were lucky enough to get into Thomason University. They were also lucky enough that, despite many differences, they got along fairly well with their dorm mates, Logan and Patton. They also made some friends outside of the dorm.

Dee was a childhood bully of Virgil’s, but, as Virgil seemed to be forming a habit of doing, he was quickly forgiven upon explanations (a bad home life, with a large scar on the side of his face as a painful reminder, not that it excused his behavior) and apologies and proving he was worthy of Virgil’s forgiveness.

Roman met Toby and Remy, the caffeine-driven fashion "professionals", in one of his classes, and soon learned that they were Dee’s romantic partners.

  **And then, a few months into the second semester of freshman year in college, Roman had walked into the dorm and found Virgil, half-dead in a bloody bathtub. Everything after that was a blur of crying, ambulance sirens, and blood.**

 Roman still couldn’t go into the downstairs bathroom. Virgil was deathly afraid of taking baths. Their therapists helped, but nobody really understood them like they understood each-other. Nobody helped them like they helped each-other.

 

Virgil looked into his boyfriend’s eyes and smiled.

 “Yeah, a trainwreck, maybe.” He kissed his boyfriend’s head for a little longer than usual. “Now, you have homework to do, and I have coffee to make until the pizza gets here.”

 

Roman chuckled and crawled off of him, allowing Virgil to stand. “Sure, but decaf only for you, my chemically imbalanced romance!”

 

Virgil snorted at the name, ignoring his slight blush and giving a lazy salute. “You got it, Princey. One coffee for me and one milk-and-sugar-with-some-coffee-mixed-in for you, coming right up.”

"You know me so well."

 When Virgil left the room, Roman let out a happy sigh. His boyfriend was the best.

**Author's Note:**

> hOOOOO boy ok that's done :)
> 
> im very low today sooo sorry for not being Peppy and Happy and whatnot, but I sincerely hope you enjoyed! Please leave kudos if you did, and a comment if you have time!


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